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Speaking as someone from the financial world who was shocked to learn about daily standups, no, agile is complete * invented and promoted by non-technical armchair lieutenants.

Mba-speak, translated:

Value prop = You don’t really need this

Data Science = Not a Real Science

I have it more or less working = It’s not working

I got it working = Please don’t ask me about this anymore

Does this make sense? = Are you even listening?

Let’s stop talking about talking about the issue = We’re halfway through this meeting

Please enter a jira estimate = I am or want to be your boss

Quick stand-up = I’m interrupting your flow

Daily stand-up = I’m interrupting your flow every day

PM = Tom Smykowski

Product = Paid Intern

Feature complete = See “I have it more or less working”

Deep dive = I have no intention of pursuing this

In-flight = I enjoy dramatizing the trivial (See “How Can We Land the Plane”)

This is not intended to offend anyone = This probably offends everyone



Let's take this offline = Well... It's complicated


Let's take this offline = I'm bored, go bother someone else


Artificial intelligence = I have no idea how this works

Big Data = an Excel spreadsheet

Decentralised = not our problem

Open-source = we didn't build it

No-code = I didn't want to pay a programmer


Time-box it = Same amount of work in less time


More: Please stop talking


Done = I'm finished but haven't tested it


More-or-less working, emphasis on "less"


Barf. Some of these are too familiar.


All Truisms!




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