I didn’t know what grackles were, so I did a quick Google search and encountered my avian nemeses!

These bastards are such a nuisance that they’ve made me fear birds. During their nesting season they’ll repeatedly dive bomb innocent walkers-by and threaten to peck at their ears.

Any tips to appease these fascists of the sky would be appreciated.

You probably don’t want to befriend grackles - they are absolutely magnificent to look at but they crap twice their weight every hour, they chirp to each other around the clock, and if you are feeding them they will bring dozens or hundreds of their closest friends to the party, and they won’t leave.